just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
