Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
