Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
