There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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