So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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