No awkward lesbian experiences without me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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