So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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