It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
