everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
