tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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