Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
