Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize