I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
