sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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