My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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