im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
