My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
