You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
