yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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