I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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