i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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