Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
