Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
