so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
