I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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