i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
