Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
