Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
