we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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