He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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