I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize