I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i love accidental penises.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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