You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
