apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
