I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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