Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
