About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
