Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
