mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize