An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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