I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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