she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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