Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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