Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize