im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
