walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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