Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to make a zoo with you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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