I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
