I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
