matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
