I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
