Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He has the fingertips of a God
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