you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
