i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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