soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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