she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
