thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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