I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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