he thought i was a dude.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dignity is for republicans.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Randomize
