did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
