I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
