i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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