He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize