I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
