You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we're making bets on your personal life
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
