i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
