In the future we'll all be gay
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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