Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
