we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
