he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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