As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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