Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
