Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
