Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
