First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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